16 Sep Why is Change so Hard? Even When it is What You Want
Not all change is invited in or even vaguely encouraged, but there are times when we instigate it ourselves, which can make it especially perplexing if we start to wonder if we’ve made the right decision when in our hearts we know we have. Being away from the comfort of what we know can create an odd feeling and one that we probably never envisioned.
Take an old pair of slippers, for example, they are super comfy, and even though they are rough around the edges, have long since lost their sparkle and have been chewed by the dog more times than you care to mention, throwing them out is still a wrench. So why is that?
Change is loss
According to the President of Valencia College, at a workshop run by the Aspen Institute, it was revealed that ‘People aren’t afraid of change, they’re afraid of loss.’ And that just about sums it up.
Of course, change is a loss, a loss of someone, something, or some feeling we have got used to having in our lives, and even if one, or all three of those are not great, it is still a loss of what we have become used to. It may ultimately be a positive loss, but there still needs to be time for adjustment and that is the bit we struggle with the most and is why we crave to go back to the familiar even when we know it is not right.
Try not to resist it
According to Robin Sharma, best-selling author of The Greatness Guide, ‘Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end’ and we need to keep this firmly in mind as we navigate the changes we face whether or not it was our choice.
One thing I have learnt about change is to simply go the flow instead of trying to resist change, remain flexible and you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence. One of my all-time favourite books, The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer shows just how this works in life and allows the magic to happen as and when it should.
A different angle
Also by using a common therapist’s tool – reframing – you can endeavour to look at change from different angles. When things feel like the end of the world, such as losing a job, a relationship breakdown, or a financial loss, they rarely are and after time are often counted as blessings in disguise, bear this in mind.
Everything and everyone, especially those people or situations that make us feel most uncomfortable, have hidden in them, a series of life lessons. Recognise that after any period of transformation, you will be wiser and more able to handle change in the future. If to start out with this knowing it can help you ride the waves as they come.
A problem shared
Make sure you talk about your feelings, fears and worries with a friend and also write them down in a daily journal – a problem shared, and all that! No one needs to face life’s challenges alone, there is always support, although you may have to ask for it, none of us are mind readers.
Give yourself the time to adjust, you will eventually adapt to your new circumstances, and anything new will ultimately weave its way into the pattern of your life, and at some point in the future, it will become a distant memory. Remember it is far better to go through the pain of change than stay stuck in a bad situation or hang on to something that no longer serves you.
Positive vibes
Lastly, don’t assume it will be hard, although some change can be seriously challenging, often it is easier than you may think it will be to adapt, especially if you look at it positively from the outset, embrace it wholeheartedly and let it be.
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” Mandy Hale – blogger and New York Times bestselling author
Feed Good Habits
Kathy Mac
xx
Kathy Mac – author of Feeding Good Habits – 12 weeks to rewire your mind, reset your habits and renew your relationship with food for improved health and sustained weight loss.