02 Oct How to Switch the Pain of Loneliness for the Grace of Solitude
We are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic and it is crippling us, however, solitude can be deemed as healthy so how can we find a balance between the two?
Loneliness is a strange emotion and can wax and wane like the moon, if you don’t have a partner life can sometimes feel empty, but even if you have a companion there can still be a sense of loneliness, kids may leave the nest, relationships can become distant in time, and good friends and acquaintances often move away or change circumstances.
It’s all fake
Of course, clever marketing that is designed specifically to pinpoint our pain and sell us a solution can fuel the feeling of loneliness. We are bombarded by perfect couples, beautiful families, good-looking retirees, and groups of friends all having the most wonderful time, however, for most people life is simply not like that.
Those seemingly perfect, albeit staged, images can and do make us feel hugely inadequate at times, and oftentimes even lonelier than we were in the first place. Although we all know they are not real it is far too easy to buy into them because it’s what we all ultimately crave.
Social media shows us an unrealistic side of people’s lives, Hollywood portrays falling in love as the perfect fairytale, and even our friends and acquaintances, with partners and busy lives, can unknowingly make us feel empty at times.
Mind the gap
Some people strive to fill every waking hour with something or someone, which is perfect if you want to avoid being alone with yourself, but you will have to face the music at some point and if it is not embraced early on it can be much harder to deal with. Being constantly busy is emotionally, spiritually, and physically draining and will eventually lead to burnout.
I tried it once after getting divorced when my ex took the kids away for a week. I had planned a whole week of meet-ups, each one weaving beautifully into the next, there was barely a moment spare. However, one by one they cancelled and I was faced with being alone with myself – the thing I dreaded the most. I soon realised that the Universe was giving me the opportunity to embrace solitude and I loved the space that unfolded.
Mindset matters
As with many things, it is our mind that needs to be mastered around spending time alone and often simple reframing, boosting our self-esteem, or finding an antidote to loneliness – which is not necessarily just about being with people – can really help.
If we have found ourselves with an unhealthy aversion to being alone, it can stop us from seeing things clearly. If this is the case, reframing is the first step we can take as it can help us learn to embrace our feelings and accept that being alone is simply a part of life. Once you can switch your thoughts around the idea of being lonely you will see there are huge benefits and empowerment to welcoming solitude into your life.
I am enough
Unsurprisingly self-esteem plays a huge role in the loneliness epidemic, if we don’t really like the person we are alone with it can, of course, be a huge obstacle. Marissa Peer, hypnotherapist to the stars, is a firm believer that we can shift this feeling by starting to believe we are enough. She suggests we write, in red felt tip. ‘I am enough’ on all our mirrors until we start to truly believe it. It does work.
Lastly, if we have a purpose or dharma this can act as an antidote and something we can pursue during those quiet hours when we are alone. I would never have written my books if I hadn’t been able to face being alone so I am ever grateful I flipped the switch on loneliness so I could enjoy the grace of solitude and all it has brought with it.
Don’t avoid it, embrace it and see where it takes you.
Feed Good Habits
Kathy Mac
xx
Kathy Mac – author of Feeding Good Habits – 12 weeks to rewire your mind, reset your habits and renew your relationship with food for improved health and sustained weight loss.